Over 80% of abuse cases involve a parent or step-parent.
Information For Parents & School Staff
CHILD SEXUAL ABUSE - WHAT PARENTS NEED TO KNOW
1. Talking to your child before an assault happens is the best prevention. You can teach your child the difference between affection and abuse, between safe and unsafe touches. Your willingness to talk about sexuality and sexual abuse with your child can be the first important step in keeping them safe and healthy. - Teach your child that they are special and deserve safe touches every day.
- Find out what your child knows about safe and unsafe touches. By asking about it, you let them know it is okay to talk about these things.
- Teach your child the correct names for all his/her body parts. If you are uncomfortable with the anatomically correct names for private parts, practice them before talking to your child.
- Keep an open line of communication about sexuality and safe and unsafe touching. It’s not enough to talk about it once and then never bring it up again. This is important for healthy sexual development.
- Let your child know that you are open to any and all questions, and really listen to what he/she says. Encourage him/her to keep asking if they are confused.
- Help your child to become aware of and trust his/her feelings. Let them know that it is always okay to say "NO" to anyone who touches them in an uncomfortable or confusing way.
- Practice a "No Secrets" rule. Teach your child the difference between secrets and surprises. Surprises are okay (i.e. presents, parties, treats) because they are temporary and the fun is in the telling. Teach your child that they have the right to tell someone (and to keep telling until someone believes them) about an unsafe touch. Kisses and touches should never be kept a secret!
- Make prevention information fun and interesting. Create "what if" situations that may be confusing or difficult and ask your child what they would do (i.e. What would they do if someone asked them to play an undressing game?) Be sure to use situations that are examples of both safe and unsafe touching.
- Let your child know that you will believe them if they come to you with a problem about touching (and mean it!). Many cases of child sexual abuse go unreported because the child is afraid they won't be believed.
- Make sure your child knows that if unsafe touching happens, it is not their fault, and they will NOT get in trouble for telling - even if they weren’t following safety rules or were doing something that was against the rules when it happened. A child is never to blame for the abuse.
- Give your child permission to make decisions about who touches them and how, even when the touch is a safe touch. For example, instead of saying "Give Aunt Paula a kiss goodnight!" ask, "Would you like to give Aunt Paula a kiss goodnight?" Be prepared to be okay with a "no" answer - you are teaching them to set healthy boundaries!
- Help your child understand who they can trust. Talk with them about this and listen to their input.
- Let your child know that safety rules apply to all adults, including family members.
- Instilling a sense of strong self-esteem in your child may help your child avoid feelings of responsibility and guilt if they are victimized.
- A child is best protected by giving them the knowledge and skills necessary for their safety.
2. Knowing perpetrator tactics and how a child may react can help you detect sexual abuse.
- Offenders may threaten to hurt the child or a family member of the child if they tell anyone about the abuse. This is common regardless of whether the perpetrator is a family member, friend, acquaintance or stranger.
- A child often feels that he/she is to blame for the abuse. The offender may reinforce this by using guilt tactics on the child.
- Offenders often follow-up abusive incidents with treats or gifts for the child. This is very confusing for the child, and may make him/her feel guilty for accepting the gifts and/or for feeling bad about the abuse.
- Be aware if your child talks a lot about a particular adult or older person.
- Be aware of individuals (family members, friend, neighbor) who spend an inordinate amount of time with your child.
- It is common for a child to deny that abuse happened when it did or tell about the abuse and then recant their original statement. There is little evidence that children make false allegations of abuse.
3. Responding appropriately when your child is victimized can make all the difference in his/her healing process.
- If your child is refusing to be with a particular person or be in a particular place (i.e. daycare center, a friend’s house, sporting program), listen to them and ask questions (i.e. Are you feeling unsafe? Who or what is making you feel unsafe?). They may be trying to communicate something to you.
- If you think abuse is going on, act on that feeling or instinct.
- Believe your child when they tell you that something is happening to them.
- Don’t force a child to talk or stop talking about the abuse. Allow them to go at their own pace. BE PATIENT!
- Remind your child how strong he/she is for telling about the abuse.
- Getting your child involved with a support group of peer survivors can help eliminate feelings of isolation.
- Get support for you and your child. This is a very difficult issue for any one person to handle.
Recommended Prevention Reading For Parents For Parents:
-Child Abuse on the Internet: Ending the Silence. By Carlos A. Arnaldo
-How to talk to Teens about Love, Relationships, and Sex. A Guide for parents. By Amy G. Miron, M.S. and Charles D. Miron Ph.D.
-Protecting Your Children From Sexual Predators. By Leigh Baker
-Protecting the Gift: Keeping Children and Teenagers Safe. By Gavin De Becken
-Preventing Child Abuse and Neglect Through Parent Education. By N. Dickon Reppucci
-The Safe Child Book: A Commonsense Approach to protecting children and teaching children to protect themselves. By Sherryll Kraizer, Ph.D.
For Children: A Very Touching Book...For Little People and for Big People. By Jan Hindman and Tom Novak For adults to read to children.
-No More Secrets for Me. By Oralee Wachter Ages 2-14.
-Your Body Belongs to You. By Cornelia Spelman Ages 3-6.
-Something Happened and I am Scared to Tell. By Patricia Kehoe, Ph.D. Ages 3-7.
-The Trouble with Secrets. By Karen Johnsen Ages 5-10.
-How to Handle Bullies, Teasers, and Other Meanies. By Kate Cohen-Posey, M.S. Ages 5-12.
-My Body is Private. By Linda Walvoord Girard and Kathleen Tucker. Ages 6-11.
-Sometimes It’s Okay to Tell Secrets (It’s OK to Say No). By Amy C. Bahr and Frederick B. Green Ages 6-11.
-It’s Perfectly Normal. Changing Bodies, Growing Up, Sex, and Sexual Health. By Robbie H. Harris Ages 11-15.
-The Sex Book. By Jane Pavanel Ages 13-18.
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